EMOtera

Sometimes we need to smile just to conceal the pain that we feel inside I'm designed to feel slightly dissatisfied!

2 notes

playlist

How did we get here
When I used to know you so well?
How did we get here?
Well, I think I know

The truth is hiding in your eyes
And its hanging on your tongue
Just boiling in my blood
But you think that I cant see

What kind of man that you are
If you’re a man at all
Well, I will figure this one out
On my own

(I’m screaming, I love you so)
On my own
(But my thoughts you can’t Decode)



Filed under paramore decode LSS song lyrics feelings

0 notes

something worth reading from Elbi Files

Tatlong campus, tatlong kwento.

—————————

Sobrang excited ako na bibisita ka sa ‘kin dito sa LB dahil one week ago prior to that weekend, nagpunta ka rin ng LB kasi field trip ng UP Diliman CWTS sa may Jamboree. I was too ecstatic dahil minsan na nga lang kita makasama. Sinabi mo sa ‘kin na pupunta ka ng LB dahil may gusto kang sabihin sa ‘kin na hindi mo masabi through Skype, SMS or FB.

From that point, may gut feeling ako na hindi maganda. But I didn’t care. Dinala kita sa OU para makita mo si Malanding Oble. Nag-merienda tayo sa IRRI Cafe. Nakaramdam na ko ng lamig from your side pero binalewala ko lang, at dinala kita dun sa Japanese garden. Binasa ko sa harap mo yung nakasulat dun sa garden marker/plaque. Sobrang meaningful, na gusto ko iparamdam sa ‘yo na gusto kita makasama panghabang-buhay.

We drove to Graduate School. Nagpark ako dun, at naglakad tayo pataas dun sa may Nihon Koen. You wanted to talk somewhere private. Di pa tapos yung construction nung steps at stairs, and I remember that exact step where we sat down: 107th. I held your hand so tight, and then asked you kung ano ba yung gusto mong sabihin sa ‘kin nang personal. Kinakabahan na ko nun.

"Hindi pa ko ready sa ganitong setup."

Hanggang sa hindi ko na ma-synthesize yung mga susunod mong sinabi sa ‘kin for the next two hours. Iyak ako nang iyak. Sobrang nasaktan ako.

You’ve left me hanging, even up to now. You never gave me a chance to talk to you again.

Alam ko malabong mabasa mo ‘to. Sinusubukan ko pa ring kalimutan ka pero once in a while, naaalala pa rin kita. I still cry especially when I remember na paulit-ulit nating sinabi sa isa’t isa, “What we have is something special.”

So special that it’s traumatizing.

—————————

Nag-cross register ako sa Diliman ngayong sem kahit alam kong ikaw lang naman ang dahilan.image



Nanggaling ako ng Shopping Centre, sumakay ng Toki jeep papuntang Math/CS. Nakaupo ako sa kaliwang dulo ng jeep, mag-isa lang ako sa loob. Hawak-hawak ko ang ipapasa kong report na kakapaprint ko lang habang may nakaplug na earphones, nakatulala. Walang iniisip. Habang nakatanaw sa labas, nag-overtake yung sinasakayan kong jeep sa bandang Benton.

Nang makalampas ang jeep namin, I saw you.

Naka-pink ka. Nakasakay ka sa harap ng inovertake-an naming Philcoa/MRT jeep. May kausap ka, sis mo ata sa org. Di ko rin alam kung nakita mo ko, pero nung nakita kita, I was blank. Wala akong naramdaman. Walang galit, walang tuwa. Walang hiya? Baka haha. Nakamove-on na nga ba ako? Hindi pa ata. In a way, masaya ako na nakita kita. Biro mo, after exactly five months, I got to see your angelic face again.

That’s the only time I saw you in person this semester.

—————————

Di ako makatulog, at kakapalit lang ng Dextrose. Alas-singko na ng hapon ako nagising. Prior to that, I was sedated and unconscious for seven hours under general anaesthesia. Naka-earphones, sinusubukang magpaantok. Inaalala ko na bago ako operahan, ikaw yung iniisip ko. Pano kung hindi na ko magising? Di man lang ako nagkaroon ng chance para makita kang muli.

Out of the blue my phone rang, mga 1:30am. 1 missed call. Tinext ko yung unknown number. “Who’s this please?” Nagreply ng “How are you na?” Sagot ko naman, “I’m at PGH, had surgery earlier today. Can’t sleep. Who’s this?” Tapos reply, “Surgery? Why?  I miss you.” Then I replied, “I won’t tell you the reason unless you tell me who you are.”

I had no idea who this person was. Never kong inisip na ikaw ‘to, until you replied with this text message:

“You know me by heart. Unless your surgery had something to do with your heart. :)”

We exchanged a couple of texts that night and I know you weren’t your own self. Drunk texts yun. Just like when I saw you previously, I was blank habang katext ka. Di ko alam kung anong dapat kong maramdaman. Hindi naman ako manhid, baka sadyang naparami lang siguro yung anaesthesia na sinaksak sa ‘kin. Ewan ko rin.

After a few days sinearch ko sa WeChat yung unknown number. Sa best friend mo pala.

Nagsend ako ng FB message sa ‘yo regarding our conversation. Wala pa ring “Seen” as of now. Oh well.

—————————

Sa ngayon, tanggap ko nang hindi mo na ko kakausapin kahit di ko naman alam ang dahilan. Sobrang minahal kita, more than myself. I shared this because people have to realize that some relationships aren’t really meant to be, kahit anong pilit pa ang gawin nyo, fate can twist to bring out the best (and worst) in us at hindi talaga mangyayari ang inaasam nyong happy ending.

At para sa inyong lahat na “nag-aksaya” ng oras para basahin itong entry ko, I leave you this message:

- Jersey #4, CAS, 200*-4****

(Also submitted in The Diliman Files)

Filed under Elbi Files anonymous almost same note as mine heartbreaking love story